Adjourning....a final goodbye

            In my experience the groups or teams that are the hardest to leave are those in which close personal as well as group relationships were formed.  The Iowa Voices for Quality Childcare (IAVQCC), a non-profit that I helped found was started by 11 family child care providers, six of whom I had a friendship with in addition to founding the group.  This contributed to the success of the group, but also made it the hardest one to leave.  We decided to order engraved charms with IAVQCC on one side and our name on the other.  A small memento that we could have to remember all we had accomplished with that group in the short seven years we were operating.  We chose to dissolve the non-profit because we did not have any members who wanted to commit to the leadership positions needed to keep it going.

            I recently left my job of five years due to health issues not because I wanted to leave it.  I had formed some close bonds with many of the staff and clients I served.  I miss them very much and have managed to come back for some contracted training work so I get to see them occasionally.  Each time I see them or talk to them it hits hard that I am not still doing the job I felt matched me perfectly.  It’s a little like a mourning process because it not within my choice to leave or stay.   They had a potluck lunch and signed a card wishing me well. 

            I have served on many other committees and teams during my career most of which I left because I needed to focus on other aspects of my professional development.  These were committees or teams I had professional relationships with but not a close personal relationship.  There really was no closing ritual.

            I recently attended a retirement party for a woman who had worked in one childcare program for 40 years.  She was only leaving due to health reasons and not voluntarily.  They held an open house for her to celebrate with the many families who had crossed her path along the way.  There were scrapbooks and fond memories shared along with a memorial fund set up to update the library in the program and dedicate it in her memory.  I cannot imagine working in one job for 40 years and will never have the opportunity to try.  I imagine her leaving must feel like a loss of a family member in some sense.

            I have enjoyed learning about my fellow students and appreciate their efforts in providing rich digital conversations that enhanced my learning experience.  I do feel, however, that I did not form the strong attachments that I might had we all been attending together in face to face classes.  I am a people person, I like to meet people and need to see them visually to cement the relationship. 

            I think adjourning is a way to reflect on the work completed and the measure of its success or failure.  Adjourning is a natural process when you no longer have a time commitment in your schedule and at first it feel weird but soon other rituals take that place and you move on.  I think the adjourning is just a recognition ritual of declaring the value that you and the work you did was worthwhile and significant in some respect.