Relationship Reflection

Creating relationships is our goal as human beings.  The trick is understanding how to develop and flourish within positive relationships. Most of the close relationships in my life didn’t just happen.  Relationships require effort, give and take, trust and loyalty, joy and sorrow.  They can be the greatest thing ever, but also can open up the possibility of deep hurt and anger as well. 

            I have several different types of relationships my spouse, Dan,  is of course my most important relationship.  I can trust him to always be in my corner, he’s my strongest supporter and biggest fan.  He is also the one who can hurt my feelings or tug at my heart strings most deeply.  We’ve been married for over 32 years now and have learned many things about the other.  He is my safety net that will always be there to pick me up if I fall. 

I have two really good friends who each meet different needs that I have.  Patty, my friend since high school, is my guardian angel.  She quietly supports me whenever I need her to, she understands me when I can’t figure me out.  She stays positive even in the face of her own battle with cancer.  Her children and mine grew up together, we have a common interest in roller skating.  She and I still go skating together and live the good old days.  I got her started in early childhood, when I went to work and needed child care.

My other friend Louise, was my training partner.  She and I have been partners since 1995, we were both operating family child care businesses and found we had a lot in common in our philosophy about the programs we wanted to run.  We began creating trainings together and presenting them together.  We’d work on an interesting idea and road test the concepts in our own programs then work together to create trainings that we felt were important timely topics.  We each had our own strengths: she was the proof reader and detail person for creating our power points.  I was usually the idea person with the concept.  We’d work together to define it and take pictures of our programs in action to illustrate a concept or to give an example.  We’d finish each other’s sentences when presenting the information.  This mutual combining our skills and talents make this relationship more of a partnership.  There was function to our relationship.  Unfortunately, she has since retired and moved to Florida so I am going through a grieving process trying to fill the hole in my life that she left.  We still talk and will always be great friends but I miss my partner. 

I have other professional relationships and other close family relationships as well.   My most recent relationship is with my 21 month old granddaughter and her little sister born January 5, 2016 so about 9 days old.  I had no idea how special of a relationship being a grand parent would be.  My granddaughter and I spend many hours together, me following her lead; playing, singing, dancing, eating, cooking, sleeping, it all is different when I am doing it with her.  She’s amazing.  We have a great relationship, but less of a partnership and more of me doing the care taking and her being the one who gets to explore her interests.  Someday many years from now our roles will likely be reversed and I hope she allows me to explore my own ideas that she will want to share the journey with me.

All of these relationships are different and yet they all have components in common: time spent together, exploring common experiences together, doing things that make the other person happy at times, but also, reminding them when something is not working.  Giving love and value to the life I lead.  I am very rich indeed. 

The ability to create relationships is a life skill that is probably the most important skill of all.  We learn to trust others and tentatively try to do things with them waiting to see if this is someone I can trust with my emotions, my safety, and my future.  Children need to see this modeled in so many ways.  They need to feel valued, respected and wanted.  Unfortunately their peers are still learning those skills as well so they are not always the most reliable role models.  The adults and older children in their life are the ones teaching them about being a friend, partner or nurturer.  They need to have teachers that value them and give them the opportunity to chose, the opportunity to talk and give ideas, the opportunity to find someone who has some common interests as well as someone who challenges them a bit at times.  It is the teacher’s job to create a safe trusting environment, teach and monitor those fledgling relationships to help them grow and allow them to decide is this my friend or just someone I spend time with.  We need to be in a relationship with each child so they can feel what it feels like to have someone they can count on to be fair, trustworthy, and fun to be with; as well as someone who will challenge them at times and lovingly tell them when things aren’t working. 

Louise, Patty and I on vacation together.

Husband Dan and I along with my youngest son Jason and his wife Lindsay on their wedding day.

My newest source of inspiration, Aria Christine born on 1/5/16