Successful communication strategies or characteristics

I have a friend who is an independent contracted trainer who travels worldwide facilitating professional development classes and engages in reflective practice with her clients. She has lived in a variety of cultural areas of the world. I believe her multi-faceted life has given her many high level communication skills.

I admire her skill in reading her audience; she can tailor her presentations to the specific needs of her audience.  This is a skill that I am still developing.  I have started going to trainings not just with the intention of gaining content but also to see how different presenters, facilitators, or instructors manage their audience, either keeping or losing their participants’ active engagement.  My friend has a way of posing a provocation at just the right time to regain their engagement.  Part of the skill building here is to also know your content extremely well so you can help other make sense of it all.

I also admire her ability to listen completely to a participant’s observation, but steer them in a more accurate direction without making them feel defensive.  She acknowledges their effort in participating but keeps them focused on accurate pertinent information.  She looks for parts of the observation that are accurate to find a common ground of agreement, but builds on it in such a way that the participants still are open to learning new information.

My friend has many communication strategies in her repertoire, I think the key is to always be learning about people in general and the ways they communicate, this allows us to become more proficient communicators in a variety of settings.  “The competent communication model not only includes feedback, but it also shows communication as an ongoing, transactional process; the individuals (or group or organizations) are interdependent—their actions affect one another—and they exchange irreversible messages. (O’Hair, et.al, 2015, p. 21)”  Many times it seems like people forget that children are our communication partners as well and they are learning from everything we do or say, we impact who they will become by our way of respectfully communicating with them in a transactional process.

Good bye and thanks for joining me in my discovery of diversity

My goal within my programI hope that I can learn what I have learned throughout my coursework at Walden to better meet the needs of families in our program by listening, learning, asking and advocating for anti-bias eduction, equity and social justice, whatever my role.

One goal I have for the ECE field is that I am going to advocate more strongly that anti-bias, social justice, and equity courses be required by anyone working with children and not just a 2 hour introduction to the topic, a series that fully explores the topic.

I want to thank each of my classmates for allowing us to have a glimpse of your social identity through the course writings. Your explorations of diversity has helped me to grow as a ECE professional.  Without your stories and your feedback, the fullness and richness I experienced would have been minimal.  We are all in this together.

Thanks,

Brenda

I spoke with my brother in law who grew up in Equador, he gave me some insights into the “real” equador.  He told me one of the favorite instruments from his childhood was the “finger piano”.  He mentioned that music plays an important role in traditions and holidays. 

He also mentioned that there are very distinct ways of dressing based on which part of the country you are from.  Those that live in the mountains will carry their infants-preschoolers on their back so they can walk from village to market.  How women and men wrap their serape can tell you which part of the country they are from.

He mentioned that much of the fresh produce sold in fresh air markets are hauled in large baskets on the head from the more remote areas.  Quito, is unique mixture of urbanites and the indigenous populations living in concert.

He told me the main language spoken in Ecuador is bi-lingual English and Spanish or Portugese/Spanish.  Many of the indigenous populations have their own unique dialect of Spanish.

There is a combination of weather despite being located close to the equator due to the higher elevations of the mountains and volcanoes.

There are a variety of ways that children go to school in Ecuador.  My brother in law attended a boarding school in Quito while his parents were missionaries in the neighboring mountainous villages.  He recalls seeing the open-air classrooms in a hut in the center of the village where his parents lived.  Many of the schools require children to wear uniforms.

What to do to welcome the new student:

Have a lengthly conversation with the family about what they will remember from their time in Ecuador?  Ask them what brought them to America?  Where does their extended families live?  
What are some things we could do to make their child feel welcome and comfortable?  What are things if any that their child is struggling with.  Asking the family which area of Ecuador they lived in and what their lifestyle was like? Find out what languages they speak at home, then ask for their assistance in labeling common items in the classroom. 

Offering some music from Ecuador along with musical instruments like a thumb piano accessible.    Work with the family to incorporate art materials that would reflect what children in Ecuador might use.  Find out if there are favorite games their child enjoys playing or other activities unique to Ecuador.

Ask the parents to bring pictures of their life in Ecuador to share with the rest of the students.

Experience with oppression (ableism)

My son who had muscle and joint laxity experienced bias and prejudice while in school, especially elementary school.  He had an unusual gait and tended to pull muscles easily, so he could not run as fast or long as other children and was picked on and never chosen for sports teams.  This had a huge impact on his self identity and even to this day at age 31 he struggles with who he is and what he wants out of life.

            The oppression kept him from fully participating in team sports and pick up games.  He would go out for a sport and then be bullied so bad he would hide during practice and then come home like nothing happened.  His diminished sense of competency diminished his equity to participating.

            As his mother, my first reaction was anger on his behalf.  I wanted to protect him just as Nadiyah spoke about wanting to protect her son from prejudice.  I could see his pain over the years and try as  I might I could not help him.  I wish those people would have gotten to know him better, he has so many great traits that go beyond physical abilities.  I feel guilty that I failed him as a mother.

            Perhaps educating the coaches or the teachers on his disability and encouraging him to talk to me about his feelings.  We could also have offered more opportunities for him to participate in other sports.  We did teach him how to roller skate and enrolled him in Tae Kwon Do which he enjoyed and both of those were more about pushing yourself rather than being pushed by  teammates.  The harder thing to change her is the herd mentality of elementary aged children.  Educating the children on treating others with respect, offering them opportunities to process various ways they could include Josh in their acitivities.

Micro-aggressions: what we see is not always what is there

When our children were young, we played a game while traveling called "tell me a story".  The kids and I would select a house or vehicle we saw along the way and begin a story about the family that lived there based upon what we saw.  It seemed like a harmless game back then, now I am wondering if I was helping to perpetuate my own biases onto my kids with the activity?  I think it could be a useful tool to help my children to understand why we should not make assumptions just on what we see, but rather wait until they have information from a variety of sources and personal experiences before making assumptions.

The other thing I thought of this week was when some employees were taking about a family in the break room.  They were discussing at length, their assumptions about a family's right to feeling frustrated with their child's daily temper tantrums (4 years old).  They were making assumptions about the family's ability to love and spend time with the child; the families' moral character; the family's mental health in general; and the family's lifestyle.  All or none of which might be true, this type of talking could be considered a micro-aggression against the family.  Remember Dr. Sue talked about how the dangerous part of micro-aggressions is that they are unintentional or intentional.  Even if the family is unaware of the gossip, they can still be hurt by someone taking what is being said and going a step further that could cause a child welfare investigation or police to be brought in.  Our thought can harm others spoken or unspoken, if we think it, we believe it and often act on it.

Self-reflecting on these thoughts, really  shows me that I need to be a good role model for my staff and curtail any such discussions because of confidentiality but also because of the invalid thought processes that lead to the discussion.

Perspectives on Culture and Diversity

Most of my respondents even those with an ECE background responded with surface level concepts of culture like: customs, beliefs, traditions, language.  One response in particular from Mary Lukas was discussed how culture is what can draw us together or separate us, people move through rings in and out as they grow and change.  This was something that was new to me.  Matt responded with things that happen on a regular basis not just once in a while to celebrate something.  I think he was close to understanding the below the surface concepts.  I was pleasantly surprised that the two people who were non-ECE people gave their answers (Dan and Brandon).

Diversity was well defined by all as being variations or differences in beliefs, practices, races, ethnicities, language.  One person discussed in terms of each individuals uniqueness based on their interactions and life path.  Mary’s response, made me think from a different perspective.  “If we are describing life in the largest sense, we refer to diversity across species.  If we narrow our focus we refer to diversity within species.  For humans, diversity tends to both separate and enrich us.  Another conundrum.”

All responses are listed below in their entirety.

Matt Tapscott, 55, married for 20 years, father of 5, family child care provider

Culture: That which makes a group of people unique. For example, food, music, social interactions, customs that are maintained (as opposed to "customs" that are irregular in their practice).

Diversity: The experience of multiple cultures living and thriving within the same neighborhood, community, region.

Kate Werling, 62, world wide trainer and coach with Creative Curriculum

When I think of culture: Beliefs, values, attitudes, rituals, routines.

When I think of diversity: Individual uniqueness, experiences, strengths and needs.

Jackie Perkins, 45, African American,single mother of 3 kids and family childcare provider

Diversity to me is a difference of the majority that sets a standard for a society to acceptable behavior. As for culture it is a belief a way of life that values are shared and can be in different forms e.g music, language or art.

Mary Lukas, 62, widowed, contracted coach and trainer in ECE

Here is what comes to mind when I think of culture and diversity:

I think of richness.  I think of identity, and that everyone I encounter has an identity grounded in rings of culture from large groups that share culture and increasingly smaller groups and finally each individual's culture based on their own experiences.  And that all of those intersecting rings define diversity.  

So - what IS culture?  The human race has survived because of it.  Culture is the shared values that draw people together, but also culture separates people who don't share the same values.  Our race is biologically driven to ensure its continued existence, so at our deepest level we all have the urge to care for each other.  But we also have a deep urge to define ourselves within the context of our family unit.  So there is always an interplay between sharing and excluding, and we constantly move in and out of circles of culture, depending on our needs and shared values.  For example, a child care provider might work very closely with a parent for the good of the child, but might not worship, eat, recreate, vote, partner, or look the same way.  

Each day we encounter individuals who share some of our cultural values, but not all of them.  Diversity is the term that labels that experience.  In addition diversity describes biological differences within our life circles.  If we are describing life in the largest sense, we refer to diversity across species.  If we narrow our focus we refer to diversity within species.  For humans, diversity tends to both separate and enrich us.  Another conundrum.  

For adult learners and for early childhood educators these terms refer to sameness and difference, and offer opportunities and challenges as the educator intersects with and manages intersection with the wealth that is both culture and diversity.  Opportunity and challenge.  Life!

Brandon, 28, heterosexual male, married, no kids, no EC background.

Culture: customs and knowledge of ancestors belief, keeping customs and beliefs.

Diversity: variations of different beliefs, cultures, ethnicity.

Dan, 56, Heterosexual male married for 33 years, father of 3 boys, no EC background

Culture: customs and traditions of a society

Diversity: difference between one culture or another.

What if...I was forced to immigrate to another country

The items I would bring would be pictures of my family, one portrait of my mom and dad when they got married, a photograph of my husband myself and my kids (when they were still at home) and finally one of my family including my daughters in law and grandbabies.

I would take these items because they are irreplaceable and do not need technology to run so they would be my comfort items regardless of the place I am sent to.  My phone, computer, kindle, etc. are all nice to have but in primitive circumstances they would be useless and they can all be replaced.

My family is my anchor and without them life would be pointless for me.  My feelings would be as long as we are together life is good.  If I had to give up 2 of my pictures, I guess it would be the one of my parents being married, because they are remembered in my head and the picture of my kids when they were younger because again I have those images in my head.  My most precious possession would be the photo that includes my entire family because it will get me through the rough times if I need a reason to struggle through.

Thinking about how hard such an adjustment would be, it seems impossible.  I imagine other refugees fleeing their countries and coming to America or other countries must be overwhelmed as well.  How comforting a friendly smile or a gift bag with clean clothes or toys for the children would be.  It makes me think that I should do more to reach out to those in my own community who are refugees and see if there is a need that I could help them with.

My family culture is so ingrained that I do not even think about our family is different from everyone else’s.  It’s just the way we are and relocating without knowledge of where we are going or if we will be allowed to stay together is unthinkable.  It makes me appreciate what I have.  Freedom to have the flexibility to decide my family’s cultural practices.