Micro-aggressions: what we see is not always what is there

When our children were young, we played a game while traveling called "tell me a story".  The kids and I would select a house or vehicle we saw along the way and begin a story about the family that lived there based upon what we saw.  It seemed like a harmless game back then, now I am wondering if I was helping to perpetuate my own biases onto my kids with the activity?  I think it could be a useful tool to help my children to understand why we should not make assumptions just on what we see, but rather wait until they have information from a variety of sources and personal experiences before making assumptions.

The other thing I thought of this week was when some employees were taking about a family in the break room.  They were discussing at length, their assumptions about a family's right to feeling frustrated with their child's daily temper tantrums (4 years old).  They were making assumptions about the family's ability to love and spend time with the child; the families' moral character; the family's mental health in general; and the family's lifestyle.  All or none of which might be true, this type of talking could be considered a micro-aggression against the family.  Remember Dr. Sue talked about how the dangerous part of micro-aggressions is that they are unintentional or intentional.  Even if the family is unaware of the gossip, they can still be hurt by someone taking what is being said and going a step further that could cause a child welfare investigation or police to be brought in.  Our thought can harm others spoken or unspoken, if we think it, we believe it and often act on it.

Self-reflecting on these thoughts, really  shows me that I need to be a good role model for my staff and curtail any such discussions because of confidentiality but also because of the invalid thought processes that lead to the discussion.

Perspectives on Culture and Diversity

Most of my respondents even those with an ECE background responded with surface level concepts of culture like: customs, beliefs, traditions, language.  One response in particular from Mary Lukas was discussed how culture is what can draw us together or separate us, people move through rings in and out as they grow and change.  This was something that was new to me.  Matt responded with things that happen on a regular basis not just once in a while to celebrate something.  I think he was close to understanding the below the surface concepts.  I was pleasantly surprised that the two people who were non-ECE people gave their answers (Dan and Brandon).

Diversity was well defined by all as being variations or differences in beliefs, practices, races, ethnicities, language.  One person discussed in terms of each individuals uniqueness based on their interactions and life path.  Mary’s response, made me think from a different perspective.  “If we are describing life in the largest sense, we refer to diversity across species.  If we narrow our focus we refer to diversity within species.  For humans, diversity tends to both separate and enrich us.  Another conundrum.”

All responses are listed below in their entirety.

Matt Tapscott, 55, married for 20 years, father of 5, family child care provider

Culture: That which makes a group of people unique. For example, food, music, social interactions, customs that are maintained (as opposed to "customs" that are irregular in their practice).

Diversity: The experience of multiple cultures living and thriving within the same neighborhood, community, region.

Kate Werling, 62, world wide trainer and coach with Creative Curriculum

When I think of culture: Beliefs, values, attitudes, rituals, routines.

When I think of diversity: Individual uniqueness, experiences, strengths and needs.

Jackie Perkins, 45, African American,single mother of 3 kids and family childcare provider

Diversity to me is a difference of the majority that sets a standard for a society to acceptable behavior. As for culture it is a belief a way of life that values are shared and can be in different forms e.g music, language or art.

Mary Lukas, 62, widowed, contracted coach and trainer in ECE

Here is what comes to mind when I think of culture and diversity:

I think of richness.  I think of identity, and that everyone I encounter has an identity grounded in rings of culture from large groups that share culture and increasingly smaller groups and finally each individual's culture based on their own experiences.  And that all of those intersecting rings define diversity.  

So - what IS culture?  The human race has survived because of it.  Culture is the shared values that draw people together, but also culture separates people who don't share the same values.  Our race is biologically driven to ensure its continued existence, so at our deepest level we all have the urge to care for each other.  But we also have a deep urge to define ourselves within the context of our family unit.  So there is always an interplay between sharing and excluding, and we constantly move in and out of circles of culture, depending on our needs and shared values.  For example, a child care provider might work very closely with a parent for the good of the child, but might not worship, eat, recreate, vote, partner, or look the same way.  

Each day we encounter individuals who share some of our cultural values, but not all of them.  Diversity is the term that labels that experience.  In addition diversity describes biological differences within our life circles.  If we are describing life in the largest sense, we refer to diversity across species.  If we narrow our focus we refer to diversity within species.  For humans, diversity tends to both separate and enrich us.  Another conundrum.  

For adult learners and for early childhood educators these terms refer to sameness and difference, and offer opportunities and challenges as the educator intersects with and manages intersection with the wealth that is both culture and diversity.  Opportunity and challenge.  Life!

Brandon, 28, heterosexual male, married, no kids, no EC background.

Culture: customs and knowledge of ancestors belief, keeping customs and beliefs.

Diversity: variations of different beliefs, cultures, ethnicity.

Dan, 56, Heterosexual male married for 33 years, father of 3 boys, no EC background

Culture: customs and traditions of a society

Diversity: difference between one culture or another.

What if...I was forced to immigrate to another country

The items I would bring would be pictures of my family, one portrait of my mom and dad when they got married, a photograph of my husband myself and my kids (when they were still at home) and finally one of my family including my daughters in law and grandbabies.

I would take these items because they are irreplaceable and do not need technology to run so they would be my comfort items regardless of the place I am sent to.  My phone, computer, kindle, etc. are all nice to have but in primitive circumstances they would be useless and they can all be replaced.

My family is my anchor and without them life would be pointless for me.  My feelings would be as long as we are together life is good.  If I had to give up 2 of my pictures, I guess it would be the one of my parents being married, because they are remembered in my head and the picture of my kids when they were younger because again I have those images in my head.  My most precious possession would be the photo that includes my entire family because it will get me through the rough times if I need a reason to struggle through.

Thinking about how hard such an adjustment would be, it seems impossible.  I imagine other refugees fleeing their countries and coming to America or other countries must be overwhelmed as well.  How comforting a friendly smile or a gift bag with clean clothes or toys for the children would be.  It makes me think that I should do more to reach out to those in my own community who are refugees and see if there is a need that I could help them with.

My family culture is so ingrained that I do not even think about our family is different from everyone else’s.  It’s just the way we are and relocating without knowledge of where we are going or if we will be allowed to stay together is unthinkable.  It makes me appreciate what I have.  Freedom to have the flexibility to decide my family’s cultural practices.