I am choosing to write about my
mother in law’s experiences as a child.
She was the oldest of 11 children born into a low SES, with an
alcoholic, abusive father. All of the
children and her mother were abused.
Betty, as the oldest tried to protect the younger ones by taking the
brunt of the abuse especially if her mother was already incapacitated. The abuse got so bad that eventually some of
the younger kids were sent to live with relatives periodically to avoid having
the state getting involved and removing the children. Even the family doctor didn’t report the
abuse (this was in the 1930-1950). Betty
married at age 18 to my father in law partially to escape the abuse, and to
hopefully have a normal life. Betty and
all of her siblings suffer from depression, one of which committed suicide, one
was institutionalized at age 45, and 3 of her sisters went on to be sexually
abused later in life as teenagers and young adults. All of her siblings were able to complete
high school, marry, and have children of their own, but some married abusive
spouses and all of them have had difficulty holding down a steady job. Betty was never able to work outside the home
because she had panic attacks, had OCD, and suffered from life long
depression. She wrapped herself in a
protective blanket of solitude to the point of missing out on family outings,
not being able to have large family gatherings, her sole focus of life was her
husband and 4 children. Her children are
all grown, her husband of over 50 years passed away suddenly from pancreatic
cancer and now she is lost in a never-ending sea of sadness, loss, emptiness,
and depression. She refuses to associate
with extended family beyond her sons and 2 of her youngest grandchildren. The abuse she and her siblings suffered has
affected them all in different ways but the negative effects were life
long. This has also impacted her four
sons in that now they see women as being helpless depressive creatures and have
developed an apathy when faced with spouses suffering from depression.
When
you asked us to think about a different part of the world that might be
suffering stress, my thoughts immediately went to the Syrian refugees fleeing
their homeland, without food, shelter, transportation, no money, no resources
except for each other. Many have lost
contact with their families or have seen their families killed. How will this war impact this generation of
Syrians and the rest of the world as it responds to this disaster and
violence? Will these children become
immune to the violence, will they suffer further neglect and abuse? There are relief efforts but the magnitude of
the problem is so far reaching, there is going to be a huge human toll in
this. Refugees are fleeing in boats,
many being capsized in the sea, a few surviving and maybe making it to a
country that will accept them. Some
countries have tried to accept the thousands of people fleeing, but soon these
countries had to start limiting how many could come into their countries
because of the stress it was putting on their own country. So even though, some steps have been taken to
reduce the stressors by providing food, clothing, and some semblance of
shelter, this kind of toxic stress that has no end in sight will hugely impact
the survivors and the people who they impact.
